Article · love · marriage



Col.2:2: “…being KNIT TOGETHER in
love…” (KJV, Emphasis mine).
The following ensued between a guy and a girl in
relationship. I will use ‘She’ to represent the girl
and ‘I’ for the guy.
“She said, “You never listened to me.”
I said, “I did listen to you.”
She said, “You stopped paying attention to me.”
I said, “I never stopped paying attention to you.”
She said, “Then how come I reached out to you
about what I needed, nothing ever changed…How
come when I sat next to you, you couldn’t feel my
I was speechless…” (End of conversation)
Does that scenario sound familiar? I bet it does!
There is a popular belief that ‘communication’ is
the most important thing in a relationship (I used
to think so too). And the thing you want to fix
about your relationship is your ‘communication’.
And if only you could ‘communicate’ more,
everything would be so much better in your
I disagree.
Connection is the most important thing in a
relationship. Yes, communication is important,
but it’s not the most important thing. The most
important thing is actually connection. By
connection, I mean that feeling of being on the
same team, of understanding each other, that
inexplicable warm happy feeling of being in love
and together.
I think this concept is really important to get our
heads around, because so often it’s the key issue
we are really fighting about. A relationship is a
state of being c-o-n-n-e-c-t-ed. If this is so,
with no connection, there is no relationship; one
defines the other. It would make sense then that
being disconnected from our partners can bring
up some really painful, scary, insecure and lonely
feelings for us. That’s why a person can be in a
relationship and still be lonely because you two
do not connect despite the fact that you’re always
together. And there’s another two that hardly see
each other but yet, even though [physically]
apart, their hearts are knitted together in love
because there is a connection!
If we are struggling with connection in our
relationships and feeling any of those difficult
feelings above, it will only be natural that we
would want to reconnect with our partners to
regain a feeling of love and wellbeing with them.
However, the big mistake we can make when we
are not feeling connected, is to put too much
focus on the problem and ‘over-communicate’
from a disconnected place.
It can be very difficult to communicate effectively
and respectfully when we are feeling
disconnected. Disconnection and difficulty go
hand in hand, as you might be feeling frustrated
or threatened, which can drive you both to
fighting your own corners.
Then when you still can’t connect, you believe the
problem is that you can’t communicate, when
actually it’s just that you aren’t able to get your
need for connection met. Unwittingly, we can then
become trapped in a vicious cycle and
communication breaks down further.
At the heart of it, we are only communicating to
try to make a connection and it is having a
strong connection between you two that will
make you want to communicate with each other
and make communication feel more open, honest
and safe.
When you feel connected and united in your
relationship, as if by magic everything, including
your communication will begin to flow much
more easily and effortlessly. It’s ironic that
communicating from a connected place, will build
on your connection, and the connection will build
on your communication.
If you’re feeling disconnected and unable to
communicate with your partner, the best thing
you can do is shift your focus back to rebuilding
your connection. Bring the fun and goodwill back
into your relationship to offset your conflicts.
Remember why you care and want to
communicate with each other and why it’s
important to you.
PONDER POINT: If there is no connection
between you two, stop deceiving yourselves: your
relationship has no depth.
PRAYER: Father of love, knit our hearts together
in love with Your choice for our lives. Let the
connection bond wax stronger between us in
Jesus name, Amen.
Goodmorning family. I bless God for the grace to
be connected with you all again on this platform.
Have a blessed Tuesday.
-Hephzibah Enwono-abasi INIODU (Blessed)-
WhatsApp: +2349032303391


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